Posted: August 15, 2007 in miscellaneous

Last year I started driving a 2006 Toyota Tundra. It’s a company truck. It’s not mine but I’m allowed personal use of it as has been the case with all the other trucks in the last fourteen years. Sharon, Kathy . . . remember how we took it out a few nights after I got it? Recently, I got a recall notice from Toyota. They recalled all ’04-’06 models because of a problem with the lower, front suspension ball joint (whatever the hell that is). Bummer. That meant I had to take all of Tuesday off and sit in an air conditioned lounge, sipping free coffee and glancing up at pretty girls as I read the papers while the dealership fixed the problem on their own nickel. What a day.

When I got home that afternoon there was a notice from management rolled up and stuffed in my door knocker. It was a standard two page “Important-Please Read” form notice with the appropriate box checked which was

[X] We have recently been informed that a Fatal Incident Involving Burglary has occured in Fox Pointe Apts. You, your family, co-residents, occupants and visitors need to be as careful as possible for your own security and safety. For this reason, we recommend that you be especially cautious.

First of all, it wasn’t a burglary. It was an armed robbery that resulted in a homicide. Secondly, “duh”. I know the management company is covering their ass but what kind of irked me was that at the end of this two page tutorial written for idiots was an “Acknowledgment of Reciept of Security Guidelines for Residents”. This is the same thing hotels and motels use to covor their asses. They want it signed, initialed, dated and returned to the office. It’s not even perforated. If they want it that bad they will have to walk or take the golf cart over here to get it on a Saturday or Sunday that I happen to be here.

I hate to admit it but I really got into Hell’s Kitchen while it was on. In fact, I had planned on doing a parody of the show here on the blog. I wanted to post it Monday (the night of the season finale). I got behind (lazy) and didn’t meet my own deadline. It’s not going to happen at all now and I’ll tell you why after I show you the logo I made especially for it.


Last night I created my own hell’s kitchen. I was about to fry some fish for dinner. I had the oil heating up in my favorite cast iron skillet when I got distracted by a phone call from my room. Just as I got off the phone Gabby ran into my room and said
“Dad! The pan is smoking!”
I darted out just in time to see the skillet burst into flames. I rummaged through the fridge trying to find baking soda. There was none. I reached into a cabinet for the large salt container. We were out. I had no choice but to use the cup towel and two pot holders to grab the cast iron skillet and walk backwards with it toward the door. Actually, it was more than a walk. I had a huge, violent grease fire in my hands. Gabby opened the door and I threw it into the area where our plants are. When it hit the ground it looked just like what I read about the fire-bombing of Tokyo during WW II and that most certainly is not intended to be funny; Just a fact. The birds survived the smoke and I actually started over and managed to fry the fish, in a different pan of course.

The Hell’s Bathroom bit isn’t going to happen because the thumb and forefinger (one and two for you Laanba) are so burned that I can’t use them. I can type but I can’t bend them enough to grasp small objects. I will heal. I always do.

  1. Laura says:

    Well, ****! I know it would have been hilarious. Maybe after you heal?

  2. Sorry you’re hurting. I had a similar occurance last night. I’m on a regimen of Omega 32 Fish Oil. I take one 12-hundrd ,g tablet a day. It’s a freakin’ horse pill.

    I keep the bottle and other vitamins my kitchen counter. A few days ago, in a rush, I popped open the bottle and two fell out, onto the stove top and then down into the burner. I didn’t have time to fish them out, so I left them there…fully intending to remove them later.

    But I forget.

    I started boiling some water for pasta last night. I smelled fish and couldn’t understand why…UNTIL the pot of water burst into flames. The two OMEGA 3 fish oil pills caught fire.

    Took forever to douse the fire.

    All I can say is screw fossil fuels. Fish splooge is where it’s at, Baby!


  3. laanba says:

    OMG, that is 1 and 2. You crack me up. đŸ™‚

    I’m glad that you didn’t burn the apartment down because you know…. then the apartment complex would have had to send out another letter.

  4. tk says:

    Oh yeah…I remember the “Tundra”…I think…sHa-nAn-A-gEns right???

  5. Greg says:

    I need help remembering sha-nan-a-gehns TK.

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