It is way past time for me to drag out of this apartment the ticking time bomb that is our Christmas tree. This whole building is in danger. It is so dried out that I think a blowdryer would probably ignite it. It would be like a slightly slow motion explosion. I know this because when I was a kid we would gather as many as we could find in front of the houses in the neighborhood and drag them down to the bay (we were safe hooligans) where we would light them with our Bics. It was a spectacular sight. So spectacular that we often decided to stack several together, stick a flame in the pile, get the hell upwind and watch the explosive 5-10 second fury.
I’m usually ready to get rid of the tree right after new years day. I’ve been conditioned over the years by the daughters to let it sit there longer because they never wanted to part with it. However, my youngest actually suggested to me the other day that we get it out of here. Sniff. She’s growing up.
It’s out the door tonight. Of course that involves removing all the ornaments, fighting the tree for the string of lights, boxing them back up, getting stuck by needles, Hoovering all the needles up and having tree sap on the hands all weekend.