Well, damn

Posted: February 10, 2008 in home


Friday night I wrote about my two daughter’s decison to move Bella the hideous African albino clawed frog into the 80 gallon tank with the two lunatic turtles Itty and Bitty (not my pets, I didn’t name them). The next day Jenice wrote a funny comment about wanting to see a picture of this albino clawed frog. I had Sara send some pics to my email but on both attempts they didn’t show up. Sorry Jenice.

The next morning Gabby knocked on my bedroom door. She had an announcement. She found Bella the butt-fugly albino frog dead, bloated and floating on top of the water. Great. Just the way you want to start the day, right? I groaned and probably said a few words that I shouldn’t have.

As I was laying there in bed half asleep and trying to process this information, groaning and probably swearing, Gabby said “It’s Ok, dad, I took her out.”
The rest of the conversation went something like this:
“What . . . Huh . . . where . . . to the front patio? The bed of my truck?”
“No, dad. To the dumpster.”
“Oh . . . Ok. Thank you sweetie.”

The thing about that frog was that being albino and always laying on the bottom or floating at the surface, it always looked dead to me. Unless it started paddling around underwater which was even more grotesque. But when you’re told the thing has bloated to the size of a softball, you really, really know it’s dead.

When I finally got out of bed and went into the living room, the stench of dead albino frog hit me like a brick to the forehead. The water in the aquarium was just nasty. It was dirty looking and stunk up the whole living room. Fortunately, I use siphon pumps and five gallon buckets in my line of work. I siphoned all the water out of the aquarium and threw it outside. I then re-filled the aquarium with fresh water which not only took me fucking forever but also freaked out the stupid turtles who didn’t have sense enough to get out of the way of the incoming water.

  1. catrina says:

    2 words: The claws. What the hell. That is one of the most disturbing pictures I’ve ever seen. Is that for real? I bet it’s in the same catagory as a chupacabra. (shudder)

  2. Greg says:

    Yeah, I’m afraid that is for real. The claws are on the hind feet and they’re black. Catrina, you just don’t know how hideous this thing was. I loved the chupacabra comment and I must say that I agree.

  3. Jenice says:

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m annoying my coworkers as we speak becaues I’m laughin my ass off. I don’t even know what you look like (I’m made up what you may look like though) but I pictured your face through all of this and that made me laugh harder!

  4. Laura says:

    I haven’t laughed this much in a L-O-N-G time. It was MUCH needed! Thanks brudda!!!!

  5. Laura says:

    P.S.- Thank goodness Chloe and Aleni were out of the room while I viewed the picture of the poor creature. I would have been sleeping in their room for a week!!!

  6. Natalie says:

    It took me almost a week to come over and comment because I couldn’t bear to look at that thing again. Yikes.

    Umm, so I guess you aren’t getting another one?

  7. Greg says:

    Oh hell no Natalie! That thing came with the 20 year old daughter that moved back in. Chupacabras are not allowed in this apartment anymore.

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