Archive for the ‘computer’ Category

Stats Don’t Lie

Posted: December 19, 2010 in computer
Tags: ,

I know that I have neglected this lame-ass, inane blog for a long time but why the hell did my stat chart have to give me the “finger”? What you see below is not an image pulled from the internet. This is an actual screenshot of my WordPress dashboard on December 19, 2010. A double click on the image will enlarge it if you would like to see more detail.

I hope at least one person sees this. It took me about 20 bleary-eyed hours to create the 43 seconds of goofy crap shown in the link below.

Trouble Deluxe


Posted: November 6, 2008 in computer
Tags: ,

I am so thrilled to tell anyone who cares that I am actually typing this on my new computer. A brand-new computer! Finally, finally, finally! No more “Can I use your computer?” or “Are you done with my computer, Dad? . . . I have homework.” No more sitting at my desk and brooding while doing the daily crossword and waiting for my turn.

This is the first computer I have ever purchased. My old machine was put together by my former brother in law with scavenged parts from other computers; A hard drive from here, a modem from there, a sound card from one discarded computer and whatever else from who knows what or where. Even though it was sort of a Dr. Frankenstein type computer, it was a marvel of ingenuity that mostly worked flawlessly for about six years even while having gone through many operating system changes and even getting busted at one time for running a pirated version of XP Pro.

I am now the happy owner of a new clean machine.

It’s not often that I am able to use this lappy (as Romi calls hers). It’s my daughter’s and the school she goes to work the students like pack animals. Whenever I find her crashed out in the middle of her books, notes, spiral notebooks and this computer, I take it and get a little internet time in before she wakes up and gets back to her never ending rock pile of homework.

Some good news for me: It looks like I may finally be able to get a new computer. Maybe. I won’t know until November. Maybe even later. It all depends on how soon big brother sends me my “stimulus” check. Again. For months I wondered why I was the only one who wasn’t getting one of these checks. I found out why when I finally called the IRS last week. They said it was returned as undeliverable. Just my luck. Everything has been straightened out though and the surprisingly polite and helpful representative told me it will be re-sent and I should see it sometime around November of 3000.

I saw the most incredible thing the other day. While I was eating lunch and reading the paper in my truck I looked up just in time to see the biggest damned hawk I’ve ever seen swoop down and snatch one of the trillion pigeons we have here. In one fluid motion that big bird snatched that poor dumb pigeon and glided to the ground with it. Once there, the hawk just stood on it until the poor bird died. After that the hawk started eating it. This was only about 25 feet away. I keep saying hawk because I’m not quite sure what the hell it was. Most of the Hawks I see around here are small. This bird was nearly two feet tall. Was this an eagle?

My daughter’s big, dumb, adorable, solid-white cat is crashed out on my desk. He seems to be dreaming. His mouth is twitching and so is one of his legs. Do animals dream? I have always believed that at least domesticated animals like dogs and cats do. Why else would they be thrashing about like that when they’re sound asleep? If this is true, what goes through their little pea-brains when they wake up? Do they think they actually had that experience or do they just forget about it when they wake up?

Some time ago I found that my D drive will not read CDs anymore. Just as the insane do the same thing over and over again and expect different results, I keep sticking discs into the machine with hope that it will somehow work again.

So . . . after it didn’t work again I took the disc out and put it away (for later). After that, I forgot to close the tray. Several minutes later I rolled my chair sideways toward the wastebasket and crunched the tray perfectly sideways. I now know just how even the tray and the seat of my chair are. It made a horrible cracking sound and when I looked at the tray it was at about a 10-15 degree angle.

I wasn’t concerned about that as much as I was about what else might have been damaged. I would check that out but first I had to get the damned tray back inside the box. As expected the button was not pulling it back inside. This was probably not the best idea but I forced it back in with my thumbs. An equally bad idea was to push the button again to see what would happen. Needless to say it did not budge and then started making very scary sounds as it was fighting to get back out.

When that ended I went back to the keyboard to see how some other functions were working. I typed in a search. That worked but when I clicked on a link the Windows default mouse click sound immediately started going off at a rapid 4 clicks per second until I closed everything. I went to this blog and clicked on a link and the same thing happened. I definitely had a problem.

I decided that I had to get the tray out. Somehow. I used a pair of needle-nose pliers to pop off the covor of the tray: The one that says “DVD”. I then used a butter knife to pry out the tray while pressing the button. It came out enough that I was able to pull it out by hand. Now that it was out I tried a link again. It was the same rapid “clickclickclickclickclick . . .” Now that it was out and it was just a bare tray without the front cover, I wanted to see if it would slide in on it’s own. I pressed the button and it did! Apparently the the cover was what was keeping it from going in and out.

I tried a link again and the same thing happened. Then I noticed that my sound had automatically gone to mute. I unmuted it and tried another link. Still the incessant clicking. I resorted to the only thing I could think of and whacked the computer with the ball of my palm. The only thing that did was make the sound go back to mute mode but still clicking. I whacked it again and then unmuted it. Now the clicking was twice as loud. I gave it another whack with a little more force and then the sound tripled. This time, however, it wasn’t clicking, it was making a sound like a cheap alarm clock at the same intervals (4/second).

The sound could also be described as a security alarm. I was seriously worried now. The only thing I could think to do was give this old computer one last good old-fashioned fist pounding. I did so by bringing the ball of my fist straight down on top of it with twice as much force as before. When I did, that blood-curdling sound stopped immediately. My sound is fine and the tray slides in and out easily only now in sort of a zig-zaggy motion. Maybe now it will run discs.