Archive for the ‘miscellaneous’ Category

Recurring topic

Posted: October 11, 2007 in community, miscellaneous

I have spoken about this several times before and I know some of you have seen it before. I’m sorry. It’s just something I have to get out of my system every time my patience level hits zero. I wish there was a universal font that was understood to mean “typing through gnashed teeth”. If there was such a thing I would be using it here. Right now.

The Lotto idiots, the scratch-off idiots and the 8-liner idiots all need their own dark, dank, depressing, smoky, windowless dungeons to spend their days blowing their money. Money which I seriously doubt they even work for. They need to get the hell out of the way of us dumb-asses who actually work for a living. I want them out of the convienience stores. I want them treated like third-class citizens. I want a rule . . . no, a law that says they have to take a position in the back of any line in a convenience store. I think they should only be allowed to approach the counter if the place is completely empty and if someone comes in for a quick purchase, they should step aside.

But, no. These people fancy themselves as important regular customers. They are the same type as broke-assed bar regulars who can hardly afford their next drink. The only difference between them and the lotto and 8-liner addicts is that the lotto and 8-liner addicts are usually in better shape to drive home after wasting their money.

I am so sick to death of balancing a bottle of water, a large coffee and a newspaper in my arms first thing in the morning while some dumbass in front of me who has nothing else to do is playing poor man’s casino at the register. And wouldn’t you know it, everytime I head to the counter with all that some fucktard always jumps in front front of me either from the Lotto thing or through the front door. And there I wait. And wait. And wait, while they play the lottery. I have a hard time feeling sorry for these poor, dumb people.

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Miscellaneous

Posted: August 15, 2007 in miscellaneous

Last year I started driving a 2006 Toyota Tundra. It’s a company truck. It’s not mine but I’m allowed personal use of it as has been the case with all the other trucks in the last fourteen years. Sharon, Kathy . . . remember how we took it out a few nights after I got it? Recently, I got a recall notice from Toyota. They recalled all ’04-’06 models because of a problem with the lower, front suspension ball joint (whatever the hell that is). Bummer. That meant I had to take all of Tuesday off and sit in an air conditioned lounge, sipping free coffee and glancing up at pretty girls as I read the papers while the dealership fixed the problem on their own nickel. What a day.

When I got home that afternoon there was a notice from management rolled up and stuffed in my door knocker. It was a standard two page “Important-Please Read” form notice with the appropriate box checked which was

[X] We have recently been informed that a Fatal Incident Involving Burglary has occured in Fox Pointe Apts. You, your family, co-residents, occupants and visitors need to be as careful as possible for your own security and safety. For this reason, we recommend that you be especially cautious.

First of all, it wasn’t a burglary. It was an armed robbery that resulted in a homicide. Secondly, “duh”. I know the management company is covering their ass but what kind of irked me was that at the end of this two page tutorial written for idiots was an “Acknowledgment of Reciept of Security Guidelines for Residents”. This is the same thing hotels and motels use to covor their asses. They want it signed, initialed, dated and returned to the office. It’s not even perforated. If they want it that bad they will have to walk or take the golf cart over here to get it on a Saturday or Sunday that I happen to be here.

I hate to admit it but I really got into Hell’s Kitchen while it was on. In fact, I had planned on doing a parody of the show here on the blog. I wanted to post it Monday (the night of the season finale). I got behind (lazy) and didn’t meet my own deadline. It’s not going to happen at all now and I’ll tell you why after I show you the logo I made especially for it.


cooltext630513522.gif

Last night I created my own hell’s kitchen. I was about to fry some fish for dinner. I had the oil heating up in my favorite cast iron skillet when I got distracted by a phone call from my room. Just as I got off the phone Gabby ran into my room and said
“Dad! The pan is smoking!”
I darted out just in time to see the skillet burst into flames. I rummaged through the fridge trying to find baking soda. There was none. I reached into a cabinet for the large salt container. We were out. I had no choice but to use the cup towel and two pot holders to grab the cast iron skillet and walk backwards with it toward the door. Actually, it was more than a walk. I had a huge, violent grease fire in my hands. Gabby opened the door and I threw it into the area where our plants are. When it hit the ground it looked just like what I read about the fire-bombing of Tokyo during WW II and that most certainly is not intended to be funny; Just a fact. The birds survived the smoke and I actually started over and managed to fry the fish, in a different pan of course.

The Hell’s Bathroom bit isn’t going to happen because the thumb and forefinger (one and two for you Laanba) are so burned that I can’t use them. I can type but I can’t bend them enough to grasp small objects. I will heal. I always do.

Since early last week I have heard at least four or five hand-wringing, nail-biting reports about a “homo bomb” our military was trying to develop. I heard two today. Apparentely, these latest reports are coming from the more enlightened, superior beings at Berkeley with whom I wouldn’t think it to be much of an issue. Much less, a problem.

This is so old. I heard about this almost two years ago. I even posted a short column from the AP about it on my old blog (same name – see blogroll). What you’re not hearing is that during that time they were supposedly experimenting with wasps, rats and severe halitosis. Read the details below in the post I made on my old blog back in 2005.

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Thursday, January 20, 2005

If only this had come to fruition

I first heard about this on a radio show out of D.C. called “The Don & Mike Show”. True as it was, it sounded too funny to be real. When I heard it I was laughing (alone) in my truck at an intersection; Westheimer and loop 610 to be exact. Tonight, when I saw it in print, it seemed even funnier than before.

THE Pentagon considered developing a host of non-lethal chemical weapons that would disrupt discipline and morale among enemy troops, newly declassified documents reveal. Most bizarre among the plans was one for the development of an “aphrodisiac” chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other. Provoking widespread homosexual behaviour among troops [which] would cause a “distasteful but completely non-lethal” blow to morale, the proposal says.

Other ideas included chemical weapons that attract swarms of enraged wasps or angry rats to troop positions, making them uninhabitable. Another was to develop a chemical that caused “severe and lasting halitosis”, making it easy to identify guerrillas trying to blend in with civilians. There was also the idea of making troops’ skin unbearably sensitive to sunlight.

The proposals, from the US Air Force Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio, date from 1994. The lab sought Pentagon funding for research into what it called “harassing, annoying and ‘bad guy’-identifying chemicals”. The plans have been posted online by the Sunshine Project, an organisation that exposes research into chemical and biological weapons.

Spokesman Edward Hammond says it was not known if the proposed $7.5 million, six-year research plan was ever pursued.
From issue 2482 of New Scientist magazine, 15 January 2005, page 4

posted by greg at 1/20/2005 11:20:00 PM 2 comments links to this post

The end of the world

Posted: May 26, 2007 in miscellaneous

I like to post this link once a year or so because I think it’s so damned funny. Credit goes to my friend Kathy who sent it to me several years ago. Thank you Kathy, if you’re reading this. Eat your heart out Al Gore if you’re reading this. To view, double click start in the lower right corner inside the link.

The end of the World


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6-02-07 “Shit, shit . . . who the fuck is shooting us?” Somehow the original URL of that link went down the drain. I found the new one though. Thank God there was a new one, I would hate to lose this forever. It’s back up now. “The Ennnnd!”

Miscellaneous

Posted: April 19, 2007 in miscellaneous

I feel like I’ve been beaten with a baseball bat and my hands and arms are all cut up. My hamstrings, triceps and the area around the waist and up the back is so sore I was moving like an old man today. Before I go on, I need to say that this does not bother me in the least. It just makes me keenly aware of those particular muscles.

This is all because of what happened yesterday at work. I was closing a water valve and the copper pipe was so old and thin that it snapped right in half. It was attached to the water main so I was instantly soaked to the bone from head to toe immediately. This was at a motel near the Texas Medical Center on Main street which caters to seriously ill patients who have to come here to Houston for their treatment and I now I have to shut the water down to the whole property without any notice to the guests. If that’s not bad enough, it was right at noon which means housekeeping is still running all the washing machines.

Considering that and the fact that water is gushing from the main line and flooding the sidewalk, there is no time to think about an easy, more comfortable way of getting the water shut off without just diving in and finding the city shut off valve. It wasn’t where it was supposed to be so I had to use my hands to dig up the shut off valve while trying to keep my head above the water. The so-called dirt on top of the valve was some really raunchy fill dirt full of sharp rocks, glass and other objects. That’s why my hands and arms are all cut up.

After finding the valve and closing it, I had to get rid of all the water covoring what needed to be repaired. I am not a plumber so I don’t have a sump pump. I had to scoop all the water out and throw it as far as I could so it wouldn’t run back in. I did it with a five gallon bucket. Water weighs 8.34 lbs/gal. 8.34 x 5 = 41.7 pounds. I have no idea how many times I tossed that as far as I could, but it was very many, very far and as fast as I could do it. After that I got to go home because I can’t very well see any more customers while I’m soaking wet and covored in mud and there isn’t time enough for me to change and get back out to the field.

On to another subject. The apartment complex daughter and I live in gave us notice last Friday that they would be conducting inspections in all the units for insurance purposes relating to the foundation. I don’t know if that was true or if they were just using that as an excuse to peek inside all the units. The point is that we’re breaking some rules here. When my daughter moved in with me after the divorce I agreed to sneak her two stupid cats in here. I did that because she was already dealing with enough separation and I didn’t have the heart to tell her she couldn’t bring her two cats. I did not have the money for a deposit for two cats (about $600.00) so they have been here illegally for several years. According to the note I found on my door the inspection was scheduled for Tuesday. The cats have been living in my parents garage since Monday night (had to sneak them out in the covor of darkness) and will not come back until Friday just to be safe. Yeah, we’re criminals.

On to yet another topic. My job has sent me to several different states lately. I’ve been sent to many interesting cities but this Monday I’ll be going to an even better place: Key West, Florida. I’ll be there for an entire week. I hope I have plenty of down time to do a little exploring.