Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

I really didn’t need that ten dollar bill anyway. It was only taking up space in my wallet.

I have wanted a digital camera for a long, long time. I just haven’t been able to get one because of the steady bombardment of bills and the even higher cost of of a 15 year old daughter. About a week ago I was in a CVS (it’s a pharmacy on all four corners of every intersection here in Houston) when I saw a miniature digital camera for $10.00.

Of course I was skeptical. I knew it was a piece of shit but I bought it anyway. I had hope. The specs were impressive and it came with a download disc and a USB cord. It does everything the package said it would do (including video) but the images are pretty much useless as you will see here.

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My desk- taken from my bed

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My desk, taken from the floor. Check out that bitchin’ wall map of Houston.

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This is our monkey. His name is Lewis.

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I make him pay rent but when he can’t come up with the money I shake him down. Literally.

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He usually . . . Lewis . . . Lewis . . . ?

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Goodnight, asshole. Believe it or not, this is a business in California.

Bear Mountain Sports

Boogie Woogie

Posted: September 7, 2009 in entertainment, music, Uncategorized

I love the Forties
Gotta love the pentatonic scale too. Can anyone tell me what movie this is? I’m not quizzing anyone. I’m just asking because I do not know.

MMA man

Posted: September 6, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

While paleontologists funded by six-figure grants are digging holes all over the world trying to find clues to the so-called “missing link”, I found it with a simple search on my computer. Right here at my desk. Really.

Meet “Tim” the rattle-brained, knuckle-scraping “missing link” found in Vegas that has created a big media splash and will likely continue to make waves among those who study human origins.

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A new study conducted by me suggests “Tim” is a critical “missing-link” species in primate evolution. I believe this photo bridges the evolutionary split between higher primates such as monkeys, apes, and humans.

“This is the first link to all humans,” said some expert who’s name I don’t remember. “Tim”, he also says, represents “the closest thing we can get to a direct ancestor. This looks like a really early specimen that belongs to the group that includes us”.

Memorable Ding-Outs

Posted: July 16, 2009 in family, friends, home, humor, Uncategorized

I’ve been listening all day to talk about the 40th anniversary of the 1969 moon mission. I heard everything from where you were when you saw it on TV or heard it on the radio to what it meant to you to how it made you feel. Of course, the topic of the space shuttles came up too.

This reminded me of the most unbelievably stupid comment by the stupidest person I’ve ever known. As he often did, he dropped by one day unannounced. I was watching coverage of the Columbia disaster. Believe it or not, he actually said something like this: “Well, you know when you’re going the speed-a-light it’s dangerous enterin’ the “world atmosphere.” As well as thinking anything else can travel at the speed of light he actually said “world atmosphere”.

What sounds did this guy hear in his head? It’s funny but then again it’s really not funny at all. There is a difference between being stupid and just being dingy. Occasional dinginess is even less of an issue. I was dingy in high school but no one thought I was stupid. I thought of some other people’s dingy moments that I thought were really funny. Here are just a few of them.

Jennifer- a waitress at a bar I worked at

She was just too young to be working as a waitress at a bar. The poor girl was so gullible. She asked a customer for directions. He told her how many “red lights” she had to pass before making a turn. Her response was “Well, what if all the lights are all green? I could just be driving and driving forever . . . ”

My sister

The biker bar marquis

My sister and her boyfriend were driving through a neighborhood which had many biker bars. She saw a little marquis outside of one of the bars that said ” No colors”. She immediately went berserk saying “I can’t believe what I’m seeing! What the fuck decade are we living in? That is just so wrong! How can they do that?” She calmed down after it was explained to her that “colors” meant biker jackets that show affiliation with a certain gang or “club” and not black people.

The chimpanzee

When we were kids in the seventies watching a documentary with our parents about a chimpanzee that was being taught sign language, my sister asked this question: “Aww . . . is he deaf?”

Hubba Hubba . . .

Posted: June 29, 2009 in Uncategorized

I have many fun and interesting relatives on both sides of my family. The most notable on my Dad’s side are my two lunatic Uncles (his younger brothers who are twins). On my Mom’s side it is my Aunt (her younger sister). She is artistic, funny and very creative in many ways.

Look what she did to her little dog before she took her to the post office in the little town where she grew up and still lives.

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This is what she says on her blog about this photo.

Yes, I am one of those strange people who likes to dress dogs in clothes. Coconut got a new outfit yesterday. I hope she doesn’t look too much like a hoochy mama in it.

This just kills me.

Little mystic moments

Posted: June 28, 2009 in Uncategorized

You know how certain scents or sounds can take you back to another time in your life or bring back a certain feeling you once had? To me it’s the Cicadas. When I go outside and hear them buzzing in the trees it takes me all the way back to when I was a little kid running all over the neighborhood in shorts without a care in world. I really appreciate these noisy, fugly bugs. They allow me to slip back into a fond memory and relive it for a few minutes.