Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

MMA man

Posted: September 6, 2009 in Uncategorized
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While paleontologists funded by six-figure grants are digging holes all over the world trying to find clues to the so-called “missing link”, I found it with a simple search on my computer. Right here at my desk. Really.

Meet “Tim” the rattle-brained, knuckle-scraping “missing link” found in Vegas that has created a big media splash and will likely continue to make waves among those who study human origins.

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A new study conducted by me suggests “Tim” is a critical “missing-link” species in primate evolution. I believe this photo bridges the evolutionary split between higher primates such as monkeys, apes, and humans.

“This is the first link to all humans,” said some expert who’s name I don’t remember. “Tim”, he also says, represents “the closest thing we can get to a direct ancestor. This looks like a really early specimen that belongs to the group that includes us”.

Memorable Ding-Outs

Posted: July 16, 2009 in family, friends, home, humor, Uncategorized

I’ve been listening all day to talk about the 40th anniversary of the 1969 moon mission. I heard everything from where you were when you saw it on TV or heard it on the radio to what it meant to you to how it made you feel. Of course, the topic of the space shuttles came up too.

This reminded me of the most unbelievably stupid comment by the stupidest person I’ve ever known. As he often did, he dropped by one day unannounced. I was watching coverage of the Columbia disaster. Believe it or not, he actually said something like this: “Well, you know when you’re going the speed-a-light it’s dangerous enterin’ the “world atmosphere.” As well as thinking anything else can travel at the speed of light he actually said “world atmosphere”.

What sounds did this guy hear in his head? It’s funny but then again it’s really not funny at all. There is a difference between being stupid and just being dingy. Occasional dinginess is even less of an issue. I was dingy in high school but no one thought I was stupid. I thought of some other people’s dingy moments that I thought were really funny. Here are just a few of them.

Jennifer- a waitress at a bar I worked at

She was just too young to be working as a waitress at a bar. The poor girl was so gullible. She asked a customer for directions. He told her how many “red lights” she had to pass before making a turn. Her response was “Well, what if all the lights are all green? I could just be driving and driving forever . . . ”

My sister

The biker bar marquis

My sister and her boyfriend were driving through a neighborhood which had many biker bars. She saw a little marquis outside of one of the bars that said ” No colors”. She immediately went berserk saying “I can’t believe what I’m seeing! What the fuck decade are we living in? That is just so wrong! How can they do that?” She calmed down after it was explained to her that “colors” meant biker jackets that show affiliation with a certain gang or “club” and not black people.

The chimpanzee

When we were kids in the seventies watching a documentary with our parents about a chimpanzee that was being taught sign language, my sister asked this question: “Aww . . . is he deaf?”

Hubba Hubba . . .

Posted: June 29, 2009 in Uncategorized

I have many fun and interesting relatives on both sides of my family. The most notable on my Dad’s side are my two lunatic Uncles (his younger brothers who are twins). On my Mom’s side it is my Aunt (her younger sister). She is artistic, funny and very creative in many ways.

Look what she did to her little dog before she took her to the post office in the little town where she grew up and still lives.

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This is what she says on her blog about this photo.

Yes, I am one of those strange people who likes to dress dogs in clothes. Coconut got a new outfit yesterday. I hope she doesn’t look too much like a hoochy mama in it.

This just kills me.

Little mystic moments

Posted: June 28, 2009 in Uncategorized

You know how certain scents or sounds can take you back to another time in your life or bring back a certain feeling you once had? To me it’s the Cicadas. When I go outside and hear them buzzing in the trees it takes me all the way back to when I was a little kid running all over the neighborhood in shorts without a care in world. I really appreciate these noisy, fugly bugs. They allow me to slip back into a fond memory and relive it for a few minutes.

Calculate anything

Posted: June 27, 2009 in Uncategorized

With this site you can calculate anything. I mean anything. If you are in to this kind of information you must take a look at this site.

Wolfram|Alpha is the first step in an ambitious, long-term project to make all
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by anyone. Enter your question or calculation,
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WolframAlpha

images

Die!

I think I hate a biting mosquito more than I do an ugly three inch cockroach. You can trap and catch a filthy cockroach. You can even keep it prisoner and torture it. But mosquitos are stealthy and they are swarmers. They don’t run from you. They seek you.

My seasonal clock is ticking and it’s telling me to get back out to the beach. I spend many nights out on the beach this time of year and mosquitos are the only thing that will actually make me throw all my shit back in the bed of my truck and leave. Not even the lack of food, water or beer is as serious as a swarm of half-starved mosquitos. Usually, if you get into some wind they don’t bother you. That’s why I’ve slept many nights at the edge of the water and awakened with my fold-out chair half sunken in the sand with the surf moving in and out of my shorts.

The only thing more miserable than being eaten alive by a massive swarm of mosquitos is to be covered head and hair to toe in that nasty, toxic smelling repellant. I usually face the wind, shut my eyes as tight as I can, aim the can at my face and push the button. I cover my entire body until I’m either soaked or the can peters out. Being covered in poison is uncomfortable and not at all conducive to enjoying a night half naked on the beach.

My Dad sent me an interesting email today. It was, of course, an email that had been forwarded probably 500,000 times among he and his generation who love posting in size 36 font and changing colors every sentence. But it wasn’t another list of grievances about how this generation are all a bunch of marshmallows nor was it another fake numerical list supposedly written by Bill Cosby or George Carlin (in super-large font and in several colors).

No, this might just be helpful. It said that plain old Lysterine repels mosquitos. The mouthwash. The woman who initially sent the email cited several instances that proved it. She said that they put it in a bottle and sprayed it over lawn furniture, picnic tables, door jambs and each other. She swears by it. I’ll try it. Anything is better than Deet.

Architectural Euthanasia

Posted: April 12, 2009 in city, community, Uncategorized
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Architectural Euthanasia is an exhibition of the works of Dan Havel and Dean Ruck running through May 9th at Architecture Center Houston.

These are the guys that turned the Houston Art League’s 40 year-old classrooms into an eye-popping, traffic-stopping work of art just before they were to be torn down. They called it “Inversion”.

I wrote about this on my old blog when it was happening in 2005. I’m too lazy and tired to describe it now so I’ll show you what I said about it then along with some of the pictures I took.

The Houston Art League’s headquarters in the 1900 block of Montrose usually stands out because of the two towering, funny looking humanoid statues staring creepily out toward the street. Lately though a project by Dan Havel and Dean Ruck has drawn more attention to the small facility than it probably ever expected.

Two small and very old wooden buildings are to be razed to make room for a larger and more efficient one. Sometime before the scheduled tear-down, Havel and Ruck tore off the exterior wood planks, cut through both buildings, enlarging the size as they went and used said planks to build a tunnel through both buildings creating the effect of a house either having been blown out or sucked in by implosion. The veneer facing the street remained intact and the stripped planks from the sides and rear were used to build the tunnel with the paint side facing inward . . .

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It was a weeknight, of course

Posted: April 9, 2009 in home, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

I lost about two hours of sleep last night somewhere between 2:00 am and 4:00 am. Lack of sleep hardly affects me at all but the interruption of sleep does so in a big way. Especially during these hours.

I was awakened sometime after 2:00 am by the yapping of a little dog right outside of my bedroom window. I tried to ignore it. I tried to fall back asleep but after ten minutes of this it knew it wasn’t going to happen unless I chased the dog away. I got out of bed, put on some clothes, went outside and did just that. I came back inside, angrily took my clothes back off and got back into bed.

Just as soon as I got comfortable the dog came back and started yapping outside my window again. I gave it time but it never stopped. I got back out of bed and chased the little mutt off. I got back into bed and the yapping started back up again outside my window. I went back outside but this time I started throwing rocks at this little shit-head dog. Of course, it took off. I went back to bed. It started again.

At about 4:00 I was really, really pissed off. Before, I was just sort of lobbing the rocks at her to run her off but this point I was ready to really bean the shit out of this little Curr so I could salvage some sleep. But she ran off again.

I fell back into bed and it wasn’t 60 seconds before that shit started again. I was so pissed off this time that I’m not sure if I was fully dressed when I busted out of the door. This time the little dog didn’t run off like before even though she knew I was extremely pissed off. Instead, she kept yapping away under a car next to my truck.

Then I thought, “She’s cornered another cat.” I got on my hands and knees to shoo the cat away so this damned dog would shut up. Instead, I found myself nose to nose with the biggest damned possum I’ve ever seen. It was bigger than that little dog. It didn’t hiss at me though. It just looked at me with it’s crossed eyes.

I was so pissed off. Now I had to chase off a possum to get this dog to shut up. I shouted at it. Didn’t work. I waved my hands, shouted and even poked it a few times. Nope. I resorted to the rocks I had used on the dog earlier. I started flinging the rocks at it but it just didn’t care. The problem was that it was under a car. I couldn’t really do anything about this without reaching under there and dragging it out with my hand (which I wasn’t about to do). I decided that the only chance I had of getting this possum on it’s way was to start hitting it a little harder with the rocks. I did but as they were bouncing off it’s side, all it did was look at me. I didn’t want to hurt him but I really needed to salvage what sleep I could. I started putting some mustard on these rocks and I finally got it’s attention. He finally lumbered out from under the car and across the parking lot toward the street with that little shit-head dog yapping at him all the way. The racket slowly faded and I finally got back to sleep only to get up in two hours.

I live here

Posted: March 8, 2009 in Uncategorized

mission-bend

Ubiquitous new year blog post

Posted: January 1, 2009 in life, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Here’s mine:

It’s the first day of a new year. How do I feel? The same. What’s going to change? Nothing other than that all the damned firework activity in my neighborhood will cease until June.

Sorry, but I just don’t ever feel nostalgic about any previous year or hopeful about any new year. To me, January 1 is nothing but a date. Life can change for better or worse at any time. All it means to me is that I need to go to Office Depot to get a new desk calendar. That and the fact that I can stay up as late as I want on the 31st and sleep in the next day.